Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
never play flip cup with pint glasses
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
