Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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