Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
