You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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