Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
