so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
