Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
