You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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