I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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