I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
