They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
