And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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