You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
