I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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