He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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