So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
