Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
whose parrot is this?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Randomize
