Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
