i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
