Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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