I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I need a beard to bite.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
