just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
