my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
