matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
