Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
