the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
