Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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