how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
