wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
