And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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