lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
