Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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