im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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