You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
