When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
