I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
