i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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