TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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