my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
