Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
