Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
