i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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