I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
