By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
