I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
