In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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