And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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