did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
