i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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