I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
