there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
